My husband was offended by last week’s column on what those candy sweethearts should REALLY say. Well, maybe not so much “offended” as defeated.
Since I was suggesting we replace “BE MINE?” with “R THOSE UR TOENAILS?” he assumed I wasn’t that into it, and suggested we just skip the whole thing.
There is only one reply to this: No FREAKIN’ WAY!
Who cares if card companies make millions selling cards where cats share the remote, cook for the family, and have an after sex cuddle? As long my guy takes me to a dinner that doesn’t involve me cutting someone else’s meat or using the phrase “Who keeps kicking me,” I’m good.
In fact, this is the time in my life I need revenue driven romantic holidays the most! Frankly, I wish Hallmark would make up some more special day cards, so I can celebrate (with flowers and dinner) some rare occurrences that genuinely (albeit sadly) excite me. (They could be like birthdays in that you only celebrate when it happens for you, but the cards would have their own area.)
Whaddya say Hallmark – got any writers for these…
1. “You Got the Entire Stain Out of Your Kid’s Sports Uniform” (Even though I’m pretty sure that’s not possible.)
2. “Your Child Actually Listened The First Time You Said It”
3. “No One Begged You to Buy Them Something Today”
4. “One Of Your Children Didn’t Poke, Flick, Lick, or Write Something on Another One Of Your Children”
5. “None of Your Pets (or Kids) Peed, Puked, Pooped, or Hacked Up Grass in The House”
6. “You Shampooed… And Conditioned… And Shaved During the Same Shower”
7. “You Had an Uninterrupted Trip to The Bathroom”
8. “No Children Climbed in Your Bed or Called For You in The Middle of The Night”
9. “You Had a Good Reason to Brush Your Teeth”
10. “You Weren’t Late For an Appointment Because Someone’s Sock Hurt, Ponytail Was Askew, Video Game Wasn’t Over, or Favorite Snuggie Was Lost”
11. “Someone Mistook You for the Babysitter”
12. “You Only Made One Meal for Dinner”
Yep, I’ll take a card, a meal, and flowers for just about anything, especially if it’s rare.
Guys be warned: Following my suggestion to celebrate little things may pay you back in dividends. For instance, someone may need to send you a card from this section: “Your Wife, Did That Thing That She Normally Only Does On Your BIrthday” (insert whatever “that thing” is in your house) PS – I’m aware, I just wrote insert in the last sentence, so no need to let me know.
Related Post: What Those Valentine’s Day Candy Hearts Should Really Say, After Marriage…
The post 12 Rare Occurances I’d Like to Celebrate V-Day Style appeared first on The Suburban Jungle .
